The experience and anticipation of fear create a feeling of trepidation in most people. The unfamiliar feels painful to us, and we do our best to avoid it. But growth only comes with change.
Learn five steps of coping with change that will help you get through difficult times and become a stronger person.
What is Change: Our Transformative Life
Change is something everyone goes through in their life. Although change is unavoidable, we tend to resist the unknown. Benjamin Franklin, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, once famously said, “Change is the only constant in life. One’s ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.” In other words, change will always be there, but having the ability to adapt means the difference between success and unrealized potential.
However, we are rarely taught how to adjust our attitudes and beliefs in times of uncertainty and distress. In many cultures, there is an idea of just getting through it, working on keeping calm and carrying on. But there is a process to change that we must go through to cope and adapt to big life changes.
This natural process is the way our minds are able to adapt to new environments and experiences. The good news is that despite contrary opinions, the ability to adapt can be learned and practiced. Adopting a simple and structured approach to our phased reactions to change has proven effective in helping us absorb the initial shock and resistance. Thereby, we can cultivate the acceptance needed to utilize the opportunities that change presents to us.
Since change can often feel like pain, grief, or loss, we tend to naturally drift back to the status quo that we are familiar with, even if it also means creating unnecessary pain, stagnation, or lost opportunities. Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh argues that we prefer suffering that is familiar to us because it gives us a sense of comfort and certainty. Change, on the other hand, feels like unfamiliar pain because it is unpredictable and unmanageable, which we are not used to dealing with. But this doesn’t mean that change is bad—only that it may feel like it is bad.
In fact, we need change to transform, learn, and grow. Imagine all the changes you have been through as a human: from childhood to adulthood, from uneducated to educated, from single to in a relationship, individual to parent, young to old. At each moment, there is fear, but also there is beauty. A new stage of life awaits us. A new moment is here.
How Can I Cope with Big Life Changes?
The first step is to acknowledge that things are changing. From this point, we can take steps to adapt and recognize the symptoms of change-induced anxiety, stress, and fear. What we should avoid is denial. While denial is a powerful response and can protect us in many ways, recognizing denial in change that is unavoidable is important. Instead, come to understand that changes are happening, and it will be okay.
The Jay Shetty Certification School team believes it’s also crucial to acknowledge that experiencing stress related to change is normal. Even when the changes are generally positive, it can be destabilizing to realize things are moving, transforming, and changing beyond our control. Take graduation, for example. You’ve worked hard to complete your degree, perhaps achieving a good final grade. You’re more knowledgeable, educated, and wiser. This is the moment you’ve been preparing for: stepping on stage and receiving your diploma. But then what? Now, it’s time to leave behind your university or college routine, comfort zone, and friends. If we’re not careful, these kinds of changes can lead to problems such as anxiety and uncontrolled fear.
One tool that can help us better prepare is understanding the Five Stages of Grief, a model developed by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. As any change involves a sort of grief for what is being lost, we at Jay Shetty Certification School argue it can also be applied to what happens during a life change.
The Kübler-Ross Model: The Five Stages of Grief (and Change)
The Kübler-Ross model encapsulates the series of emotions that a person feels in reaction to an intense loss or the fear that such a loss is imminent. These stages are denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance.
Eventually, as the person moves through Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages, they start to recognize the need to restart their life, learn to accept what has happened, and try to find meaning again. They can then reach out to others and share their story with those who have been in a similar situation.
Five Steps to Coping with Change
The process of change follows a similar pattern to the stages of grief introduced by Kübler-Ross. We can use these steps to recognize, accommodate, and learn from life’s changes when they come.
#1 Anxiety
Experiencing grief or loss is similar to suddenly being subjected to a life-altering change. Confusion, fear, and feeling lost are typical reactions to something unexpected and unpredictable. Therefore, as much as possible, you should focus on facts rather than fiction, opinion, and inaccurate information. Understand that anxiety will come and go. You won’t always feel anxious, but neither will you never feel it.
#2 Anger
Anger towards yourself often follows anxiety and confusion after an uncontrollable change. You might feel frustrated that you have lost agency. Rather than starving your anger and frustration of energy, you feed it, which makes it stronger. Instead, allow yourself to feel anger. Recognize it through journaling, mindfulness, introspection, and other reflections, thereby allowing it to dissipate.
#3 Acceptance
When you recognize reality and distinguish between the things you can change and what you can’t, you begin to accept the inevitability of the change. This doesn’t mean you are happy about your situation, but you can disassociate it from your emotions. Don’t rush the transition from anxiety and anger to acceptance. Instead, let yourself settle naturally.
#4 Adjusting & Adapting
The fourth stage in dealing with change is adjusting and adapting. This is where you should spend the most time and energy experimenting with different routines, habits, activities, connections, and focus. A helpful grounding exercise is to develop one landmark activity in the morning and another in the evening, which supports and allows you to adjust more easily.
#5 Action
The final step in dealing with change is action. Now that you’ve gone through the preceding steps, you have a solid base and plan. You are ready to move in the direction that is right for you.
The key to managing change is to always find new ways to live and love your life in every situation. This attitude allows you to feel a real sense of hope—understanding that you’re part of the solution for both yourself and others, and that you’re actively involved in the ripple effect to make the world better for everyone.
Life Coaching for Life Change
Change is inevitable. While we cannot always guarantee positive outcomes, learning how to deal with change is crucial. If you’re going through a life transition, perhaps a coach can help you come to terms and adapt to your new way of life. Coaching is key to understanding yourself, gaining awareness, and building resilience.
If you’re ready to take the leap and become a coach yourself, enroll in the Jay Shetty Certification School and begin your journey to helping others navigate life’s changes professionally.
